To the Girl Who Fell Out of Love with Herself

Dear Self,

The past couple of months have been tough. Not the “trying to pass a final exam consisting of 60 + short answer questions written in a foreign language” tough, but the “can’t get out of bed, can’t sleep because my mind is restless with mixed emotions and uncertainty of the future, knock you on your ass” tough. I’ve got news for you. Life is going to continue. You are going to be okay. In the past few months, you’ve learned to let down your guard, step outside of your box, widen your circle of trust, give your heart freely and without question to someone who you believed was pretty damn special. Guess what? You forgot something. In falling in love with someone else, you subsequently fell out of love with yourself.

How did this happen? It started when you became someone’s other half. The relationship became toxic, so much so that you began sacrificing your self-worth and lying to yourself about the person that you were. Instead, you became this person that you thought someone wanted you to be. Pretty soon, your happiness became completely dependent on whether or not the other person was happy. Once the relationship ended, you lost your happiness because you didn’t know how to be happy without the other person. Here is the light at the end of the tunnel: things are going to be okay. They are going to be okay if you choose to let go. If you let go, you will get your happiness back and fall back in love with yourself. There is something else that needs to stop. Quit trying to figure out the reasons why your previous significant other ended the relationship. He may never tell you why he broke up with you and you cannot spend years analyzing the past. Why? Because the time is not in the past. The time is right now. This new life you are going to make for yourself will be far better. You have held on to the hurt for a long time and you will probably continue to hold on to it, but sooner than later, you will need to release the hurt. The energy that you are using to cling to the past is holding you back from moving forward. Your heart was broken, but now is the time to see the beauty in that brokenness. It’s time to allow your shattered heart to absorb this new light and embrace it, full throttle ahead.

The next thing you need to do is forgive. No matter what you have been through, you have to consider the other person in the equation. They may be going through something far more evil, fighting demons you never saw in the light. It is possible that he could have been madly in love with you as he expressed. But guess what? All that love has no purpose if he isn’t ready. Respect that and forgive him for the hurt. My dear, do not feel guilty about still being in love with him. Guess what? When someone enters your heart, you can’t snap your fingers and remove them from it as though they were never there. Don’t beat yourself up about still loving him. Just do it from afar. Most importantly, understand your self-worth. You need to understand what you are or are not willing to compromise on. Don’t abandon yourself just so that you can keep the relationship. Whatever you do, don’t think of this as a mistake. Think of it as a life lesson, as a teaching moment, which you gained strength from and grew wiser than you were before. Just think of all the pain, tears that you cried, curse words that you said. Guess what? They all helped you grieve and shape you into the person that you are today.

Also, listen up, if you love ALL of yourself, this means that you have to love the worst parts. Embrace your flaws and wrong doings. If you love your imperfections, someone will surely love them just as much as you do. Hey, hey you! Don’t forgot to dream big and use your talents to the best of your ability. Be hard on yourself. Don’t let yourself be a slacker and forget to chase what you love the most. Most importantly, don’t let this be a lesson that love doesn’t exist, because my darling, oh, it does. You must love harder, wider, deeper, and give fully of yourself. Let go and let love be your guide. Choose it, choose love, love you for you. Once you do that, someone will see it and life will take it’s course.

XOXO

“Blind” Dating 101

Let’s be real here.

There is no such thing as a “blind” date.

Unless the person that you are meeting doesn’t have a social media account and you are being set up by a friend who doesn’t have a phone or any kind of photo memory of the person that you are meeting.

This day in age, blind dating really isn’t blind.

We’ve all photo/detail stalked the person that we are going on a date with before the actual date happens.

Not that I am an expert on dating.

However, I am an expert on being single.

Well, with the exception of a relationship this year and “blind” dating escapades.

So, let me attempt to share with you my survival tips for “blind” dating or rather, eyes wide open dating?

I crack myself up.

Let’s start with how blind dates usually go.

I catch the guys eye from across the room while I gracefully sip a glass of pre-game rose because I arrived 5 minutes early for this date and let’s be real…my heart was about to burst through my chest.

Anxious, nervous, excited…is my hair ok?

I want to back out!

Is he going to show? At least i’m at a bar…i could be stood up in worse places.

Ok,ok, here we go…cute guy 5’oclock.

He gives me the side eye look as though he is trying to figure out if I am indeed the girl that he is meeting for the first time.

I give him a one eye closed grin that signals “hey, ya this is me, hopefully you don’t duck and run.”

He breaks into a wide-eyed grin (good sign, good sign) and makes his way over to meet me.

I say with a nervous smile, “Insert typical guy’s name here?” To which he responds, “I guess that’s me.”

Sooooooooo…we’ve made it through the most difficult part of the date…the greeting.

But what about the hug?

Don’t think too much about it.

If he gives me a tap on the shoulder hug…my mind is made up.

It’s like the kiss of death.

I need a bear hug.

I’m a hugger.

You may feel different.

Whatever you do, don’t shake his hand.

This isn’t a business transaction.

The hug most likely will be awkward, especially if your right or left arm gets tucked awkwardly into your chest and there is a back rub of some sort.

Hold up, bro…I don’t know you like that…yet.

REALITY:

Enter what dating is like today.

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Don’t worry. You are not alone.

Apparently, 15% of U.S. adults use online dating sites or mobile dating apps.

Soooooo…there is a ton of awkward blind dating going on.

1st rule of blind dating: Location, location, location.

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Let’s not expect a four-course meal here. I usually ask him to pick a place because it takes the pressure off of me. Hello, I’m already stressing about what I am going to wear, so picking a place needs to be off of my mind.

Plus, I don’t want to suggest dinner.

Actually, you shouldn’t expect a four-course meal.

This is casual.

Unless he is thinking marriage and wants to jump right into a steak and lobster dinner…go for it.

Butttt…I would always suggest something casual like drinks. It’s less of a commitment.

I would suggest a bar with a good vibe, friendly staff, and one that’s not too loud.

I’ve been on a date where I couldn’t even hear myself think.

It was a nightmare!

If you don’t drink, suggest a coffee date.

Plus, you may be able to rake in a sweet cookie or slice of cake on that deal 😉

2. Dress for the date you imagine.

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Don’t stress over this. We aren’t attending a wedding or anything. You want to dress like you usually do, in something that you feel comfortable in.

Never wear anything tight…this screams you are trying to hard.

Don’t change a million + 1 times.

Grab something and stick to it.

I love a good go-to blouse with leggings and boots/heels or a pretty simple dress.

F.Y.I. no one dresses like a $2 hooker and impresses someone…unless this guy is a total sleez.

Classy is sexy.

3. Don’t be a social media stalker.

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A little research is okay. However, you don’t need to know how many girl’s he has dated or his social security number.

If you want to google a little for a picture that is fine.

But seriously, you want to be able to discover things about this guy on the date.

Being a stalkerazzi before the date will reveal to much about him and you will most likely go in with a closed mind.

P.S. Don’t ever tell your dad who you are going on a blind date with.

If he is anything like my dad, he will text you screen shots of the guy’s license plate, phone number, and parents middle names.

This is my life.

4. Safety First

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Always, and I mean ALWAYS tell someone where you are going. If you met this guy online and/or through a dating app, there is a good chance he might be a serial killer.

It’s happened before.

I would suggest sharing your location with a close friend or sending them a screenshot of the person you are meeting.

This will come in handy when the police are trying to locate your body 😉

5. Chunk the deuce when you want.

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Take it from me who has spent countless terrible blind dates trying to make conversation work, wanting to poke your eyeballs out with boredom, and wondering when either of you will work up the guts to say it’s time to go.

If you want out, just say it.

I literally sat for 3 hours on a date trying to work up the courage to “get the hell out of there.”

Plus i hadn’t eaten and it was nearly midnight.

Shoot me in the foot.

I have found that saying you have to be up early the next morning for work and/or event with friends is successful.

Also, scheduling something about 1-2 hours after your date and letting your date know that you have plans to be somewhere after is also helpful.

6. Mind your manners.

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Hey, it may not be love at first sight, and that is perfectly ok.

But seriously, you don’t need to be rude or catty and let the guy know that you aren’t into him.

I just behave how I would if I were in front of my grandparents, which is like a complete and utter angel.

This also means table manners: don’t slouch, no elbows on the table, and drink/chew with your mouth closed.

Lastly, don’t talk about yourself the entire time.

Ask questions and give him time to talk.

Listening is a great quality.

7. Put your phone away!

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Unless you have an emergency, you don’t want to be on your phone. It’s freaking rude.

Plus, it makes you look uninterested.

Oh, and like a self obsessed biotch.

If you are in complete hysterics by now, I’ve probably done my job. Don’t take dating too seriously. Have fun, be you, and maybe one day you will find your Prince Charming.

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