6 years

There are few people who know every little detail about me.

Come to think about it, my parents and my baby sister are probably the only people that know me, every little scar, freckle, talent, and experience I have been through.

That’s probably because they have each played essential roles in my life.

Plus, they are blood…the only people I can trust.

I’ve been in remission for 6 years.

No, I wasn’t addicted to drugs or sex or shopping.

It was deeper than that.

When people think “eating disorder,” they may automatically assume that it has to do with food.

But really, they are completely and utterly wrong.

An eating disorder has absolutely nothing to do with food and everything to do with what that person is going through, or has gone through, or circumstances in their life that they can’t control so naturally…

FOOD becomes the only thing that they can control.

That was it for me.

In college, I was always hard on myself.

I felt that I owed it to my parents to make good grades as they were shelling out thousands to give me a great college education.

So, I worked hard. I graduated with honors.

My eating disorder began when I was a freshmen in college.

I was skipping meals and exercising until my calorie balance was in the negative.

I probably dropped 30 pounds my first year of college.

I think my parents assumed that this was typical for a girl who was super type A and an excelling student.

It wasn’t until my junior year of college when my sister and I moved into an apartment together that she noticed what was going on.

I wasn’t leaving the house or interacting with friends because everything involved food.

I controlled every bit of food that went into my mouth and ate on a schedule.

If I was one minute past 6 a.m. for breakfast, I would skip it.

I never ate lunch.

I ate dinner for about 3 people because I had anxiety about school or work or life in general.

I remember my sister calling my parents and telling them to get up to Austin as fast as they could.

If she hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here today.

That was only the beginning.

My parents were going through an extremely rough time in their relationship during my senior year of college.

I being the oldest of two daughters carried all the weight on my shoulders.

Nobody asked me to, but I felt as though it was my job to be the glue that held my family together.

I remember the day I graduated college like it was yesterday.

My little sister took photos of me dressed up with my hair in curls and told me I looked beautiful.

How could I be beautiful when I was a skeleton?

I wore 4-inch heels across the stage to receive my diploma and I thought that my knees were literally going to buckle beneath me.

It wasn’t until my doctor diagnosed me with osteoporosis of the spine at age 23 that I decided I could no longer abuse my body.

And here I am today…healthy and stronger than ever.

6 years recovered from my eating disorder.

This picture of my spine isn’t of me trying to be sexy or sultry.

I’ m not that type of girl.

It’s real and raw and it’s of the very thing that scared the shit out of me.

People always ask me about my relationship with my sister.

It’s unbreakable.

If it wasn’t for her intervening in my life…I would be dead.

It’s the truth.

There is so much more to this story and I will be sharing my story with a group students this year.

Today is the first day of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

If you know someone who is suffering with an eating disorder, please reach out…you may be that one person who can help them when everyone else has turned a blind eye.

Thank you all for continually supporting my blog.

MANGIA!!!

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

This post might be super duper emotional.

Warning to all those who can cry at the drop of a hat.

But for me…it’s actually empowering…strengthening even.

4 years ago…not so much.

I would have never talked about my struggle w/ food.

The idea of eating anything at all was a day to day issue.

I feel that this week, more than any other week of the year, is THE WEEK to bring the topic of eating disorders into the forefront.

This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

I had an eating disorder.

I was anorexic.

4 years ago, I was concerned about every little piece of food that I put in my body.

Food was the only thing I could control.

It was my enemy.

Food was frightening, not nourishing.

Carbs in any form (even sweet potatoes) were off limits.

Anything over 200 calories for breakfast or dinner…not happening.

Lunch…what’s that?

One cup of coffee please!?

Maybe a bite of a banana.

I felt shame when I ate anything sweet at all.

It would ruin my day.

I would avoid making plans w/ my friends because I didn’t want to tell them why I wasn’t eating.

4 years ago…I would have been terrified to speak about my story.

I never would have thought that I would have confessed to having an eating disorder.

I thank God every day that my parents and seester helped me realized the hurt I was causing myself.

At the time, I was internalizing everything in my life, my future, stress, college, jobs, and family issues.

I want others who are going through the same thing to know that a strong family bond is critical during this time.

At the same time, I feel remorse and bewilderment for those who don’t have a strong support system.

Any eating disorder is a disease.

I found out that it can cause problems later on in life, as well.

A year ago, I sought out help from a local reproductive endocrinologist after suffering with PCOS since high school.

I wanted to control it once and for all.

What I learned that day was something that would change my next year forever.

The doctor told me to get a bone scan, which revealed that I had osteoporosis of the spine, and was borderline osteoporotic in my hips and ankles.

We came to the conclusion, that at my young age, one of the factors had been my past eating disorder.

The fact that I wasn’t taking calcium and vitamin d3 or getting  them my diet were also factors.

This was a wake up call.

In the past 12 months, i have completely revamped my lifestyle.

From my exercise routine to my eating habits, and my overall health in general.

In the past 12 months, I have gained around 25 pounds.

No, I didn’t go out and eat 12 3-pound burgers…I did it the healthy way.

For the first time in my life, I started eating a full-on proper diet.

I also cut back on my running…around 2 days/week, and hit pilates and yoga more often.

I can confidently say that I am the happiest I have been in years.

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I have a new job and most importantly, I feel amazing in my own skin.

This is me.

This was me all along.

The confidence was always there.

I just had to dig a little deeper than most to find it 🙂

I want to be an inspiration for the all the men and women who are suffering w/ an eating disorder.

Because my blog is about living a healthy lifestyle, i feel that I cannot go without touching on this subject.

It’s muy muy importante to seek help for an eating disorder.

Now, my life is about balance.

I know that it’s okay to have a cupcake, eat a salad, ride a bike, or have a piece of candy on a daily basis.

I try and live my life to the fullest everyday.

Taking care of my body and my health is number 1 on my list.

Your body truly is a temple, so treat it that way.

Workout within your means, give your body the proper nourishment it needs, leave room for dessert, and step outside of your comfort zone to enjoy life to the fullest.

MANGIA!!!