Archives for February 2017

6 years

There are few people who know every little detail about me.

Come to think about it, my parents and my baby sister are probably the only people that know me, every little scar, freckle, talent, and experience I have been through.

That’s probably because they have each played essential roles in my life.

Plus, they are blood…the only people I can trust.

I’ve been in remission for 6 years.

No, I wasn’t addicted to drugs or sex or shopping.

It was deeper than that.

When people think “eating disorder,” they may automatically assume that it has to do with food.

But really, they are completely and utterly wrong.

An eating disorder has absolutely nothing to do with food and everything to do with what that person is going through, or has gone through, or circumstances in their life that they can’t control so naturally…

FOOD becomes the only thing that they can control.

That was it for me.

In college, I was always hard on myself.

I felt that I owed it to my parents to make good grades as they were shelling out thousands to give me a great college education.

So, I worked hard. I graduated with honors.

My eating disorder began when I was a freshmen in college.

I was skipping meals and exercising until my calorie balance was in the negative.

I probably dropped 30 pounds my first year of college.

I think my parents assumed that this was typical for a girl who was super type A and an excelling student.

It wasn’t until my junior year of college when my sister and I moved into an apartment together that she noticed what was going on.

I wasn’t leaving the house or interacting with friends because everything involved food.

I controlled every bit of food that went into my mouth and ate on a schedule.

If I was one minute past 6 a.m. for breakfast, I would skip it.

I never ate lunch.

I ate dinner for about 3 people because I had anxiety about school or work or life in general.

I remember my sister calling my parents and telling them to get up to Austin as fast as they could.

If she hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here today.

That was only the beginning.

My parents were going through an extremely rough time in their relationship during my senior year of college.

I being the oldest of two daughters carried all the weight on my shoulders.

Nobody asked me to, but I felt as though it was my job to be the glue that held my family together.

I remember the day I graduated college like it was yesterday.

My little sister took photos of me dressed up with my hair in curls and told me I looked beautiful.

How could I be beautiful when I was a skeleton?

I wore 4-inch heels across the stage to receive my diploma and I thought that my knees were literally going to buckle beneath me.

It wasn’t until my doctor diagnosed me with osteoporosis of the spine at age 23 that I decided I could no longer abuse my body.

And here I am today…healthy and stronger than ever.

6 years recovered from my eating disorder.

This picture of my spine isn’t of me trying to be sexy or sultry.

I’ m not that type of girl.

It’s real and raw and it’s of the very thing that scared the shit out of me.

People always ask me about my relationship with my sister.

It’s unbreakable.

If it wasn’t for her intervening in my life…I would be dead.

It’s the truth.

There is so much more to this story and I will be sharing my story with a group students this year.

Today is the first day of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

If you know someone who is suffering with an eating disorder, please reach out…you may be that one person who can help them when everyone else has turned a blind eye.

Thank you all for continually supporting my blog.

MANGIA!!!

29

Happy Birthday to me!

I can’t believe I have been alive 29 years!

I’m in my last year of my 20’s.

I live alone, with my 4-year-old puppy child.

I have zero children.

Some people would stress about this.

Especially, being so close to the 30 year mark.

Buuuuttt those people are not me.

I’m excited for 30.

I really want to live this last year of my 20’s up as much as I can.

I want to travel more for sure.

As with all years, this one has been a year of learning experiences for me.

Some good and some bad but I don’t have any regrets.

Here are 29 little tid-bits about my past year (in no particular order):

I experienced my first heart break (in the relationship department).

Then I experienced my second heart massacre.

People aren’t always what they seem.

 I can handle any situation with the utmost grace (but I’ve been told that in certain situations, I should have gone H.A.M. on some people).

I started going back to church. Not every Sunday, but as much as I can. This was a big one for me. I feel that I don’t have to go to church to be close to God. I am close to him regardless, but I almost feel like I had lost a sense of my faith and community without church.

I have the ability to love unconditionally, without judgement, with my heart wide open.

I cannot turn my feelings off like a light switch. Love is love is love is love.

I am an extremely forgiving person. Almost to a fault (in my opinion).

A bottle of wine will fix almost anything. Or at least help take the pain away for a few hours.

No matter what, your mother is still your best friend.

Your sister is your one and only confidant. She will take everything you tell her to the grave.

Your little sister can be your voice of reason when it comes to dating/relationships.

I can watch football in my sweatshirt and house slippers, but give me a pair of high heels and watch out world!

My values and beliefs are extremely important to me.

There are still great men out there…ones that will bring you flowers & your favorite candy on the first date, expect nothing in return, and treat you like the princess you are.

I owe everything I am and the person that I have become to my parents.

No matter how many times you ask yourself why a relationship ended…it was never your fault.

There actually are emotionally unavailable people in this world…they have been through a lot, respect them.

You are beautiful…inside and out. Don’t ever let a man make you believe that you are less than that.

I feel most beautiful in sweatpants, hair-tied, chilling with no make up on.

It takes a looooooong time to repair your heart after its been broken.

Your smile is your best asset.

The love your parents have for you is one of a kind.

Eat all the cake, cookies, and pie you want.

A small circle of GREAT friends is better than a large circle of crappy friends.

You can never trust someone with a terrible handshake.

Surround yourself with people who put 100% of the effort into friendships as you do. Nothing less.

Pancakes are acceptable at any time of day.

Sometimes you need a  girls night, a bottle of wine, dancing in the living room at 3 a.m. to George Strait in your pajamas and slippers.

Here is to year 29…bring it.

MANGIA!