To the Girl Who Fell Out of Love with Herself

Dear Self,

The past couple of months have been tough. Not the “trying to pass a final exam consisting of 60 + short answer questions written in a foreign language” tough, but the “can’t get out of bed, can’t sleep because my mind is restless with mixed emotions and uncertainty of the future, knock you on your ass” tough. I’ve got news for you. Life is going to continue. You are going to be okay. In the past few months, you’ve learned to let down your guard, step outside of your box, widen your circle of trust, give your heart freely and without question to someone who you believed was pretty damn special. Guess what? You forgot something. In falling in love with someone else, you subsequently fell out of love with yourself.

How did this happen? It started when you became someone’s other half. The relationship became toxic, so much so that you began sacrificing your self-worth and lying to yourself about the person that you were. Instead, you became this person that you thought someone wanted you to be. Pretty soon, your happiness became completely dependent on whether or not the other person was happy. Once the relationship ended, you lost your happiness because you didn’t know how to be happy without the other person. Here is the light at the end of the tunnel: things are going to be okay. They are going to be okay if you choose to let go. If you let go, you will get your happiness back and fall back in love with yourself. There is something else that needs to stop. Quit trying to figure out the reasons why your previous significant other ended the relationship. He may never tell you why he broke up with you and you cannot spend years analyzing the past. Why? Because the time is not in the past. The time is right now. This new life you are going to make for yourself will be far better. You have held on to the hurt for a long time and you will probably continue to hold on to it, but sooner than later, you will need to release the hurt. The energy that you are using to cling to the past is holding you back from moving forward. Your heart was broken, but now is the time to see the beauty in that brokenness. It’s time to allow your shattered heart to absorb this new light and embrace it, full throttle ahead.

The next thing you need to do is forgive. No matter what you have been through, you have to consider the other person in the equation. They may be going through something far more evil, fighting demons you never saw in the light. It is possible that he could have been madly in love with you as he expressed. But guess what? All that love has no purpose if he isn’t ready. Respect that and forgive him for the hurt. My dear, do not feel guilty about still being in love with him. Guess what? When someone enters your heart, you can’t snap your fingers and remove them from it as though they were never there. Don’t beat yourself up about still loving him. Just do it from afar. Most importantly, understand your self-worth. You need to understand what you are or are not willing to compromise on. Don’t abandon yourself just so that you can keep the relationship. Whatever you do, don’t think of this as a mistake. Think of it as a life lesson, as a teaching moment, which you gained strength from and grew wiser than you were before. Just think of all the pain, tears that you cried, curse words that you said. Guess what? They all helped you grieve and shape you into the person that you are today.

Also, listen up, if you love ALL of yourself, this means that you have to love the worst parts. Embrace your flaws and wrong doings. If you love your imperfections, someone will surely love them just as much as you do. Hey, hey you! Don’t forgot to dream big and use your talents to the best of your ability. Be hard on yourself. Don’t let yourself be a slacker and forget to chase what you love the most. Most importantly, don’t let this be a lesson that love doesn’t exist, because my darling, oh, it does. You must love harder, wider, deeper, and give fully of yourself. Let go and let love be your guide. Choose it, choose love, love you for you. Once you do that, someone will see it and life will take it’s course.



  1. Shelly Gregory says:

    Lifting you up.

  2. Renee Ethridge says:

    My daughter is a bad-ass

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